Paradise Lost
by Scabior's-Horcrux
Summary: Loki places himself in isolation as he deals with a heavy and painful loss. R&R please.


**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this fic, nor do I own any locations. I pretty much don't own anything besides the fic and the fic plot itself - so please don't sue!**

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><p>Loki stood in the middle of his room and wasn't quite sure what exactly he was looking at. This was the first time that he had been in here since <em>that night<em>. He had practically thrown himself into the room and begun to tear apart the entire place. It had been a few days since then, and now he could fully see all of the damage that he had done. The paintings that had once been on the walls were shredded entirely and the frames were split apart and scattered, the grand chandelier that hung from the ceiling was now broken as the pieces of crystal were everywhere, tables and dressers were overturned, and there were scorch marks across the room from his spells. The only thing in the room that was near perfect still was the bed.

His ears twitched as he heard from outside of his bedroom in the distance, loud and low horns were being blown.

It was beginning.

With a wave of his hand the drapes that were on the floor, were summoned by magic back to their rightful place over the windows and an extra large drape covered the entrance out onto the balcony.

Loki wouldn't be able to block out the sounds of the horns, but at least he wouldn't be able to see what was going outside of the palace. He already knew what it looked like out there. The sky was nowhere near as bright as it should've been, it was as it if it too known of the great tragedy that occurred. All of Asgaard's citizens were gathered in the streets holding candles to mourn the loss of their deceased princess.

Jane, his wife.

And slowly making its way through the crowds of the weeping, was an open casket revealing the beautiful princess whilst surrounded by royal guards who were escorting her to her resting place. His brother who was now king with his wife, Sif, were walking along side Jane's casket with his father and mother. Loki didn't need to be out there to know what it all looked like. It was the same funeral arrangement that was made for every member of the royal family whenever they passed.

Today, he would remain hidden inside of his chambers.

Loki let out a steady breath as he heard the horns finally play out into silence. The funeral was officially beginning and he knew that right now, Jane was being brought out of the castle and onto the streets of Asgaard. All of Asgaard would be silent today. Not even an infant would dare cry. The only sounds that could be heard were the footsteps of those walking, the metal clanking from the royal guards, and the distant rumbling of the waterfall.

A small part of Loki wondered what his wife looked like right now. Was she in her favorite blue gown with flowers laced in her hair, looking the way she did at Thor's coronation? He remembered her telling him that if she were to die someday, she wanted to look exactly as she did then. Loki also remembered snapping at her for thinking of such a horrible thing. He hadn't meant to be stern about it, but what she had scared him with those words.

He knew that many of the citizens were shocked by not seeing him there to accompany his wife. He also knew that others were suspicious that perhaps he was behind her murder, which was why he had no desire to attend the funeral.

Those rumors were false.

The real reason why he wasn't attending her funeral was because of the simple fact that he wouldn't be able to bear the sight of watching Jane being put to rest. Since he was her husband, it would've been his job to set the lit torch to her casket when it finally arrived to it's destination, the sea that surrounded all of Asgaard before ending with a waterfall. If Loki went and saw this happen, he couldn't promise that he wouldn't set all of Asgaard on fire with that same torch. The sight would be too overwhelming for him.

Only those that lived in the royal palace and the smarter part of the Aesir truly knew the truth.

There were some Aesir that didn't accept him, their prince, back into Asgaard like Odin had done some years ago. Some believed that he should've been banished with his powers stripped for his crimes that had taken place before Thor had been crowned King. But they were too ignorant or stubborn to believe that he had been changed from his darker ways. Jane, the former Midgardian and the princess, was the very person who had changed him.

But they just didn't understand.

There was a saying that Loki remembered hearing on Midgard once. It said: "You can't fix stupid." Unfortunately, it was that way in all of the realms.

The very group of people that didn't except Loki back, didn't approve of their new princess either. They believed that she didn't belong on Asgaard and certainly didn't belong to live as one of them by eating one of the life giving Golden Apples of Idunn. Loki never believed that anyone could dislike Jane, for she was beautiful and kind. Jane had been very aware of it.

_-Flashback-_

_Loki was careful to step lightly and keep to the shadows of the room. He had entered the bedroom only a moment ago and noticed that Jane was out on the balcony, looking up at the night sky as she always did while leaning against the stone railing. He had to snap himself out of his entranced state when he noticed just how her curves showed themselves through the gown as she was bent forward on the railing. _

_He couldn't help but want to give into his mischievous ways. _

_Finally, he was standing not even a foot behind her. Loki smirked at the opportunity that his arrival had given him. There in front of him, leaning forward, completely unaware of his standing behind her, was his wife. Her lush little rear was at the right angle for him to…_

'_Smack!'_

_Jane's whole body shot up into the air with an alarmed cry. She spun around to smack her offender upside the head only to have her hand caught and her whole body jerked up into the arms of her laughing husband. _

"_Loki!" She yelled._

"_My dear, you should no better then to offer me such an irresistible temptation."_

"_Oh, sure. Blame it on me." Jane rubbed her bottom softly and sent him a glare. _

_Loki felt as if he could drown in her chocolaty orbs, despite the look she was sending his way. He pulled her against him as he reached his hand down to caress her perfectly rounded ass. "Don't worry my princess," He brought his head down to whisper into her ear. "I'll make that feel all better." A low growl formed in his throat when he felt her shiver against him. _

_Before he could venture further into what he hoped would soon have her moaning underneath him in their bed, he felt her hand touch his chest and push him. She wasn't strong enough to push him from her, but he never continued with anything once he had a clear sign that Jane didn't want to do something._

"_What's wrong?" He pulled away from her enough so that he could look down at her with a worried gaze but kept his arms around her waist. When she didn't answer immediately and avoided his gaze, he knew something was troubling her. "Jane," He spoke softly, taking her chin between his thumb and index finger so that she looked up at him. "Please?" _

_Jane swallowed and opened her mouth to speak. "I don't think I should go into the city without you anymore." Loki raised his eyebrows in question but held his tongue as he allowed her to continue. "When I'm exploring the streets…I always feel as if someone is glaring at me so harshly that I can almost feel my back burning. Even if there is always a few guards with me, I don't think it's wise that I leave the palace anymore. I'll only feel safe in the city if you're with me." _

_Loki permitted himself a small smile. "I think that you're merely being a little paranoid since you've only been hear for about a year and you're still getting used to things." His wife opened her mouth to retort but was stopped when he raised a hand to show that he was still speaking. "But, I won't make you go somewhere that you don't feel safe." _

"_Loki, you know that they're people here in your realm that don't think I should be here, let alone be married to their prince." _

"_I am aware, but no citizen is stupid enough to try anything beyond glares and whispers behind closed doors. To cause harm against a member of the royal family has very harsh punishments." He replied and bent down to place a peck on her forehead. "Besides, I would never let any harm come to you. Not as long as you're my wife." _

_Jane smiled and pulled away from him, then begun to pace back and forth across the other side of the balcony. It appeared to him that she was trying to get something else off her chest but was struggling to find exactly how. He just stood there with his hands clasped behind his back and waited patiently. _

_Then, she faced him and clapped her hands together. "I talked to your mother and tried to come up with a clever way to surprise you but scenario after scenario - it all seemed utterly ridiculous. So I'm just going to come out and say it." Loki looked at her with curiosity. _

"_I'm pregnant."_

_Loki's jaw dropped a little and he felt that someone had taken the Frost Giant's casket and froze him there in place. Had he heard her right? She was pregnant? With his child? So many thoughts swiveled in his head and he was for once at a loss for words upon the news._

"_You're pregnant…with my…child?_

_Jane looked down at the ground and fidgeted with her fingers nervously. She actually looked like she believed that he was upset over the news. _

_How could she think that?_

_Loki closed the empty space between them with a run, lifted her up in his arms, and spun her around as a big smile plastered his face and he let out a merry laugh. _

"_You're pregnant with my child!" _

_-End of Flashback-_

A ghost of a smile was on his face. Loki remembered that he had allowed himself to resort back to his childish ways and ran all over the palace yelling at the top of his lungs about how he was going to have a child. When he had seen Thor come at him in one of the halls to get onto him for making such a commotion at such a late hour, Loki was the one to give his brother a bear hug of his own for the very first time in his life and gave him the news.

They stayed up the rest of the night indulging on wine.

Loki's face retracted back into a blank mask once more as he realized that after that night, he had never once thought on the subject that Jane had discussed with him originally. She hadn't felt safe and he didn't _listen_ to her. He didn't worry as much about her than he usually did, believing that she was always safe inside of the palace walls and whenever their were guards never too far from her.

He didn't think about how the people that didn't want neither her or him in Asgaard would want to take actions into their own hands by taking the life of the one who didn't belong in their realm while taking away the one thing that he loved more than anything. He didn't think that anyone would have the audacity too do it.

Loki didn't listen, didn't think, didn't worry.

And now she was gone.

His jaw clenched as his downcast eyes were glued to the broken glass at his feet. He knew that Jane wouldn't have wanted him to blame himself for what had happened. But how could he _not_? All he could do was replay that day in his head and kept trying to think of what he could've done to have changed it. No matter how many times he replayed the entire day in his head, he knew that there was no way that he could've changed anything.

Loki remembered that day all too well.

_-Flashback-_

"_If this man talks any slower, I fear that I may begin to snore." Thor mumbled under his breath just loud enough for Loki to hear as he tried to not look as if he were about to fall asleep. _

_Loki's lips twitched upwards but kept his face impassive. "This is one of the many duties of being king brother, and just imagine how you'll be sitting in these meetings at least four times a week for the next few millennium."_

_Thor leaned to whisper to his younger brother. "Have you already forgotten brother? You're my advisor. You have to be here every time that I am." He snickered when Loki's face dropped a little. He hadn't exactly thought about that. _

"_Just pay attention." Loki mumbled, not thinking of a comeback because he knew that Thor was right and it wasn't too often that he was. He decided to ignore the low chuckle that he heard coming from the king next to him. _

_He suppressed a yawn as he heard the council members at their own tables in front of them discuss about political matters across the realms. It was really the same thing that went on in each of the meetings but it was a duty for the king and the council to meet so often in case of recent events. But there was nothing new to discuss and there hadn't been anything new to discuss since the day after Thor's coronation. There was peace throughout the realms and all was calm with the Aesir. _

_This was nothing but a four hour meeting just about every other day for Thor and Loki to watch a bunch of old men bicker about whatever pleased them. _

_Knowing that he had to deal with this for the next few millennium made him want to slam his head onto the table._

_Instead, his mind began to wonder as he looked out on of the windows that overlooked the city. Loki was thinking about taking Jane to the city so she could mingle with the citizens and see her face lit up every time that someone would say something funny. It had been a couple of weeks since they had last gone. He had just been busy with the council, training with Thor and the Warriors Three, and Jane having her appointments with the medics. Lately they hadn't had anytime for each other besides the evenings and the early hours of the morning. Loki missed holding her by the hand and guiding her through one of his personal gardens while he told her more stories about when he and Thor were children - which always led him to talk about their child that would be due soon. _

_Neither of them knew the gender of the child and as much to his disliking, Jane wanted to keep it that way. She wanted to be surprised. Loki knew that he could just order one of her medics to tell him the gender, but he knew that it would only upset his wife and that's one of the very last few things that he wanted. Especially since she was pregnant. _

_Loki never feared anyone in his life until his wife had gotten further along in her pregnancy and he was forever grateful that she didn't have any powers; like super strength. He remembered how one day she was suffering from one of her hormonal mood swings and he was certainly in no mood for it, so he picked her up bridal style and delivered her to his mother's quarters where she had been reading, before disappearing very quickly. _

_Briefly, he wondered what sort of hell Thor would be put through for when the time came and his wife were to get pregnant. Sif was the Goddess of War. If Jane had no powers or physical strength whatsoever and he feared her, he certainly did worry for his brother's health. _

_Changing the topic on his mind, he wandered which part of the palace was his wife walking around today. Everyday that Loki was in a meeting with the council, Jane would take this time to get exercise for herself and the baby by strolling through the palace in all parts. She took advantage of it because he knew that he was very worrisome over her. Loki always wanted her off her feet and even went as far as to carry her most of the time until she would threaten to get his mother. Jane had told him that during her walks, it was just her and the baby's time. No Loki, no Sif, no guards walking behind her everywhere she went. _

_Which had been another argument they had. Loki thought that she could always pass out from exhaustion and would need assistance, but Jane had argued with him on that too. Eventually they came to an agreement that if something were to happen to her, Heimdall would alert a guard immediately. Heimdall certainly didn't mind watching over her every now and then during her walks, he had taken a liking to her some time ago. Loki figured it was probably because she was the only person that he could think of that had ever gotten him to smile. _

_It took everything Loki had to not jump when the doors that led into the room were slammed open and a guard stumbled in ungracefully and held a hand to his chest as he tried to catch his breath. It was as if the man had ran five times around the palace. Loki looked over at him with eyebrows raised as one of the council members stood from his seat._

"_What gives you the right to-!" _

"_Princess Jane has been assassinated!" The guard blurted out all in one breath, interrupting the councilman. Loki's eyes widened._

_The entire room was completely silent and no one seemed to breath._

_Loki was at a shortage of breath and didn't feel as if he was in the room anymore, completely unaware that all eyes had gone from the guard, to him. It was his turn to stand from his seat and in a blink of an eye, he was next to the guard._

"_Take me to her, now!" He commanded, pushing the guard into motion. _

_Loki, the guard, and he noticed Thor - bounded from the room and ran at an amazingly fast pace now understanding why the guard was out of breath. _

_Loki's eyes narrowed dangerously. A part of him wasn't believing this at all. There was no possible way that his wife could've been assassinated in the palace. No one would've dared strike a member of the royal family and a guard wouldn't have let anyone near her route on her daily walk. The only explanation to this was Thor had come up with yet another scheme to get them out of the meeting. He had done this before a few times with other excuses but this one had gone too far._

_When he saw his Jane in perfectly good health, he was going to break every bone in the guards body after her threw his brother off the newly rebuilt Bi-Frost bridge. _

_The three of them slowed to a fast walk and through the entrance of the courtyard that was located in the eastside of the palace and Loki stopped dead in his tracks as he could see what was laying on the ground besides on of the grand fountains._

_His wife._

_Her eyes were closed and her face was clear from any emotion. Jane was laying on top of one arm, while her other was draped over her swollen belly. It was as if she was only taking a nap. He and anyone else would've believed it if it weren't for the slowly growing, large pool of dark crimson liquid coming from behind her. He overheard a guard in the distance saying how the princess had large and deep stab wounds in her back with what had must've been a dagger. Someone had assassinated her. _

_It felt as if time was moving slowly and he could hear nothing besides his heart thudding heart against his chest. _

_Loki could feel his throat strain as he released a heart wrenching cry._

_Not Jane._

_Not his Jane._

_Loki moved from his frozen spot to go to her, to run to her, but he felt a strong pair of arms circle around his arms and over his chest - keeping him there. He knew who it was. _

_Thor knew that Loki would want to go to his beloved in hopes that he wasn't really seeing the image in front of him. Thor also knew that if he allowed his younger brother to venture further to see more details of the horrible scene that was in the middle of the courtyard, still a little ways from them, that Loki would never get the image out of his head. And Thor did not want his little brother to forever have it in his mind. He would __not__ let it be the last thing that he sees of the love of his life._

"_Release me Thor!" Loki cried. _

"_Forgive me brother."_

"_No! __Let go of me!" Loki cried once more as he began to use his own strength to try and escape from the strong grasp of his brother. "She needs me! I can help her!" His face was wet with tears and he could've sworn that he felt warm tears drip on the back of his neck. _

_It's not too late._

"_You fucking bastard!"_

_Jane could still be alive._

"_I hate you! Let me go or else I'll kill you!_

_Jane's not dead._

_Loki was going as far as planting his palms onto Thor's forearms and giving him frostbite but he wouldn't let him go. _

"_LET ME GO!"_

_Jane's not gone._

_He looked at her through his tear soaked eyes and he could see that her skin had become papery white._

_She's gone._

_She's gone._

_She's gone._

_He dropped his hands and went slack in Thor's arms as the words kept replaying in his head. Once the elder brother knew that he had given up, he released his grip on him and Loki dropped down onto his knees. He balled his fists up so tight that he could feel his nails breaking into his skin and brought them down onto the stone beneath him, cracking the surface for several feet._

_Loki howled as a wave of pain crashed through him._

_Jane was gone._

_-End of Flashback-_

Loki sat on the edge of the very bed that he and Jane once shared. The bed where they made all of their passionate love making and held each other until sleep overtook them. He was beginning to realize more and more things that he would never be able to share with her again. Such as days when she would practically drag him through the city streets to see all of the vendors and small street performances the children made, dancing together in their garden or in one of the dining halls, taking turns playing jokes on each other, their joined laughter.

Loki sucked in a tight breath of air and furrowed his eyebrows together. His heart ached so horribly that he wished someone would waltz into his room and drive the dagger in his heart and finally relieve him of his own pain.

Not being able to hold it in any longer, Loki buried his face into his hand and let out a cry of agony. Finally letting the tears fall down his face as the pain in his chest tightened.

For he was not only mourning the loss of his beloved wife, but he was also mourning the loss of _their_ unborn child.

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><p><strong>AN: ****My first Loki/Jane fic! I'm sorry that it's not a happy ending kind of fic. Last week I made a graphic and published it on Tumblr and threw on a long drabble to go with it and then I decided to make it longer and turn it into a one-shot. I hope I did alright. I'm writing another Lokane fic and I hope to have it up soon! I finally watched Thor for the first time a couple weeks ago and ever since then I've had Lokane fever. I wish that there were more fics on the pairing. Please let me know your opinions of this fic! Also, I apologize if you spotted any grammar errors. I don't have a beta and I'm a little lazy to check over my fics after writing. Hehe.**

**Have a wonderful day! **

**P.S I have written a sequel to this fic, it's called "Serenity Found". Go check it out!  
><strong>


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